Moose FM CFZN 93.5 - Haliburton

Some weird items in the news lately, today came a report of a nine day traffic jam in China, nine days….. man I get antsy when one of those semi-tractor trailers are backing into Foodland in Haliburton and I miss the flashing green at the intersection. I can’t imagine nine days in traffic, just the logistics in normal bodily functions is unnerving, there ain’t no car deodorizer in the world built for that kinda duty, but what about boredom,  keep in mind they can’t get 93.5 the Moose in China, so what do you do. I’m sure after day one you’ve exhausted I spy with my little eye, you’ve arranged the cd’s in alphabetical order, then chronological order both in release dates then when you bought them. Then from favorites to least favorites and then you played them all and that’s day one. And what if, god forbid, your mother-in-law was in the back seat, questioning your every move? Slow down, your too close, use your blinker, change lanes that ones moving faster, hey why are you opening my door, you can’t kick me out and make me walk. Then for the next eight days she stands beside the car while your’ still stuck in traffic with her fist raised in the air screaming “come back here you no good for nothing ingrate come back” It makes the other weird story of the day understandable, the one where the Japanese woman was found mummified in her living room, apparently her only living relative, her son-in-law hadn’t checked on her in 34 years. He said traffic to get across town to her place was horrendous.

Frustration, it’s a funny feeling, it manifests itself inside your being for a number of radically different reasons. When your young maybe it’s because you can’t quite get that 2 wheel bicycle to balance with you on it, or get those shoes on the proper feet. So you deal with it by kicking the bike and throwing the shoe, and instantly you feel better. As you age frustration can’t be dealt with in the same manner. The teenage boy is frustrated because he wants to be free from all the rules Mom and Dad impose on him so he deals with it by being sullen or by talking back and maybe even breaking some of those rules. But when you hit a certain age most of the time dealing with frustration is subtler, for example when my daughter was a toddler she used to do a great impersonation of Jack Nicholson, so one time we had a large gathering and I was bragging abut how funny this little impression was and got my daughter into the centre of the room where she promptly threw up on the carpet. They still tell that story at family reunions, I guess. I deal with that frustration by not going to family reunions anymore. When it comes to fixing stuff at home, well it’s a minefield of frustration that I avoid by being so bad at repairing things I’m no longer even considered for the job. Some times the job is a source of frustration, maybe something technical, maybe a co-worker who innocently enough causes you problems or maybe a boss who just doesn’t appreciate you, I deal with that by long term detailed planning where I ruin them, OK maybe it’s just in my fantasies but it alleviates the frustration. Finally sometimes the things I do for entertainment cause me frustration, I am a Toronto Maple Leaf fan and the only way to deal with that frustration is to drink.

There was a story in the paper today about an airline steward who was preparing his passengers for a flight when one of them was rude to him. So he grabbed a beer out of the fridge then grabbed the intercom and told the rest of the passengers and crew what had just happened, then he said after 28 years on the job he was finished, he then hit the emergency exit inflatable slide opened the plane door and with his beer slid onto the tarmac and went home. My hats off to this guy, well done, dramatic, exciting, to the point and except for delaying the flight he didn’t hurt anybody. It got me to thinking of other professions and great ways to exit that particular job. For example a chef at a restaurant, after a dinner was sent back to the kitchen for what ever reason, he would come into the dining room take off his chef hat and coat then announce to everyone,”make your own friggin dinner” then grab a bottle of wine and exit the premisis, an astronaut could hit the kill button just before takeoff and speak into his communicator saying, “Roger or whoever the heck is sitting there at mission control, I refuse to count backwards anymore I’m outta here” then take off in his jet pack with all the Tang. The Queen after opening yet another department store in London could say,” I’m done, listen all of you stupid loyal subjects I’m sick of these giant scissors, and if I have to inspect one more platoon of soldiers I’m seriously gonna puke in my crown so ciao losers.” And away she goes, as for me I love my job but one of these days, ya never know, maybe one too many  Platinum Blonde songs will put me over the edge I’ll lean into the microphone and utter that word made famous by Dr Johnny Fever on WKRP……BOOGER babies!

What is it about a late night summer thunderstorm? Sitting in the living room in the dark watching the storm approach across the lake, feeling the cool breeze pushing the humidity away as the rain starts to come down in a few large drops then a sudden and torrential downpour turning the edge of the roof into a waterfall as my wife cuddles up beside me and we peer into the darkness together, neither of us speaking. Probably repeating something that couples have been doing for thousands of years. Feeling safe and secure in a shelter protected from the elements and in each others arms, and yet marveling at the power of Mother Nature. After about 5 minutes of really heavy rain it started to subside and my wife leaned in kissed my cheek and for a moment shared my line of vision and that’s when she noticed her Mother had been standing at our locked front door ringing the broken doorbell that I’m going to fix right after I get a towel.